You ask me how things are going
How things are
If I am enjoying myself
If I am having fun
Maybe that’s why this e-mail
Has taken so long to get to you
As I don’t have the words
In my vocabulary to express
The confusion that I experience
On a day to day basis
Because it’s hot –
Yet not as stifling as
The feeling I get when I
Pass by the little kids on the street,
Asking for money
To avoid a beating
At least for tonight.

Am I a bad person
Because I miss the Planet?
Or because I miss walking on her bridge
On a breezy night
Effortlessly;
Without run-ins with
Donkeys, wooden wheeled carts, scooters,
Black and yellow dilapidated taxis,
Nothing left here but you and me
And talks about the universe
And silly things like that.

Flag me down a taxi
And let’s get out of here
Only to return back to
Where we started from.
Everywhere I look for the
Signs to tell me
How to be effective,
How to be useful,
How to be…

I saw a fire in the distance,
A fiery orange icing
outlining the horizon,
But that wasn’t it.

I saw 10,000 white doves
Fly over my head and momentarily
Everything was illuminated
For five seconds.
And I misinterpreted clarity for an all too
Deceiving illusion of comfort and beauty.

I listen to a delicate woman
Tell me her dreams.
She tells me in them she thought of me
As she rolls the dough
That leaves powdery stains
On her hands.
Although each word that
Passes through her soft lips
is photocopied in my mind,
it still wasn’t it.

I listen to a rooftop of
Men and women chanting
In unison, guided by moonlight,
Like 50,000 voices
All tied together by an
Invisible thread,
Desperately seeking solace –
Yet still not a sign.

I watch group of kids
Weave in and out
Of the dusty streets –
Victory is theirs –
At least for tonight.
I hear their chants of pride
And I smile in the dark
And I secretly share
In their moment,
That can’t ever be
Taken away from them.

Despite all of this, I remain clueless.
I know nothing.
And I still want to be useful.
And I still hope you are doing well
And still I’m sorry I couldn’t
Answer you with the exact words
You hope to have heard.

Love,
Marissa